I woke up on Saturday and couldn’t move. The pain in my left shoulder increased with every little move. It was bad. Hours later, I had done everything I could think of to ease the hurt and nothing from my to-do list for the day. Somehow the voice of pain managed to drown out all other voices in my head. Even the basic ones telling me to get dressed, brush my teeth or put in my contacts.
I finally made it to my friend’s house to help with her yard sale. Don’t worry, I brushed my teeth, got dressed and put in my contacts before I allowed myself out of the house. Can’t say that I was much help, but we enjoyed the time together.
While I was there, I met someone. No matter what we talked about, the conversation always seemed to come back to his soon-to-be ex-wife. That was his voice of pain talking.
When you are injured, it consumes you and so fills up the moments that you can’t imagine anything else. It makes you forget the things that you want to do. It screams to be dealt with. And it doesn’t matter if it is physical or mental anguish, the voice is the same.
My shoulder still aches. Not screaming like on Saturday, but it pinches and twinges enough during the day to remind me that it is there. Little whispers to say, “Don’t forget about me.”
I wish there were some magic answer to fix my shoulder or my new friend’s marriage. Maybe all those coaches are right. That you really do have to work through the pain. To keep on moving and striving until you realize that you accomplished what you set out to do, even though it hurt so much to get there.
Some days, it feels like all you can do to just get to the end of the day. I’ve had some of those lately, but that wasn’t today.
Some days feel just about perfect. I haven’t had any of those lately.
Today was one of those days that makes up the majority of my allotted time on earth. Mundane. Little bit of good. Little bit of bad. Nothing happened that I will remember in a year. Or maybe even in a month.
I can’t help but think that it is how I live out the mundane that matters. This is what shows my true character. This is how people will remember me. Yeah, they might think of some big accomplishment or failure when I come to mind. But more likely, they are going to recall how quickly I laughed or the piles of paper on my desk.
The little things.
I wish I would stop wasting my time longing for those elusive perfect days and start living out the mundane days as if they matter. Because they do.
Oh, how I wish I could tell you how tired I am
But you might feel the same way too
Then there would be no need to explain it to you
This aching in my bones says I have to slow down
I can’t keep up this pace
Can’t keep living the so-called rat race
There is a weariness in my soul
From going and doing every minute of the day
But can life be lived a different way?
So push on past the yawning and the droopy eyes
And send me off to dreamland
For the sleep my body requires
Bring on the shut eye!
Bring on the naps!
Bring on the 8 hours or 10, perhaps.
Just let me drift away
To find the rest I’m longing for
Sleep, sweet sleep
I want more, more, more.
They stood in line of the virtual sort
Waiting for tickets with all their cohorts
They spoke of story and art and song
And friendship and food all day long
By nightfall they were ready
Credit cards in hand
Hitting refresh
About all the server could stand
One by one, registration complete
With sighs of relief, they danced on their feet
One hundred got in
In seven minutes flat
So come September, Hutchmooting they will go
Because the registration computer did not tell them no
My grandmother taught me that you always need earrings and red lipstick in order to leave the house. Tonight my lips are red, but it isn’t from bright red lipstick.
You see, Crystal Light Fruit Punch is my new passion. It is great for hydration, but it does come with an undesired side affect. It stains my lips red and makes me feel like a little kid.
I guess it could be worse. At least I’m not into Berry Blue Punch. Blue lips with my red hair would be an unforgivable fashion faux pas. And I just couldn’t have that!
Fine.
Busy.
Good.
If we stripped away our standard answers and had to dig deeper for new ones, what would we say? It might take a few minutes to figure it out. It is a pretty sad commentary on our society that we are too busy to even know how we are.
Take the time to think about it. How are you? Really, how are you?
In the past, my standard answer was “surviving”. That’s where I was for a long time. But looking at my life right now, I’m doing better than that. And I’m so thankful that I am!
Even though my outlook has improved, my words haven’t changed. There is a lot of power in words. So it is time for new ones.
How am I?
I’m growing. Learning. Changing.
How are you?
I miss my friend Evie, and it’s all Matt Wertz’s fault.
Monday night, I spent a little time researching music on the internet. Ok, so you could also say that I was playing around on YouTube but researching music sounds better.
As I watched Matt Wertz’s new Christmas video “Snow Globe”, I remembered that he actually filmed it at my friend Evie’s house. Well, technically, it was in her Airstream trailer. Why don’t you watch the video for yourself. Then I will take you on a little tour of the inner workings of my mind.
I don’t know what most people think while watching this video. Because I am me, so I only know what I think. But here is a little taste of what I was thinking as I watched.
I really do like Matt Wertz’s music. Hmm, he’s cute too. I really do need to buy this CD. Oh my goodness, he is wearing a red union suit. Wasn’t expecting that!
This room looks really familiar. I think I’ve seen it in another video. Oh, wait a minute, I think this was shot in Evie’s Airstream. I’m pretty sure it was. I miss her.
This is the 2nd video to be shot in there. I think the last video they shot in there was a Christmas video too. Maybe it will become an annual thing. I wonder who will be next year. I miss Evie. I wish I lived closer to her.
I wish I got to see her more than once a year. Wow, I’m really jealous of Wertz. I wish I could have spent the day at Evie’s house. Well, except I would rather wear real clothes rather than red underwear. Or if I wore red underwear, at least mine would be covered up. Do I have red underwear? Oh yeah, I did find that red bra on sale that time…but I don’t ever wear it. Why don’t I ever wear it?
I can’t believe how jealous I am of him right now. I’ve never even met the guy. I wonder what he is like.
Oh, that is the outside of the Airstream. It is really cute and different. Just like Evie. Oh, I miss her.
There’s Matt in regular clothes. His hair is pretty curly. Yeah, definitely cuter in real clothes instead of red underwear. But it takes a brave man to wear red underwear in front of everyone. Only other guy I know who would do that is my uncle George.
I really need to buy this CD.
I think this is the end of the song. Aaaghh, Wertz is walking beside Evie’s red truck. That makes me miss Evie even more!
I think my brain just works differently than other people’s. But that is what went through my head as I watched the video. Bottom line is that I miss Evie, and it is all Matt Wertz’s fault! But I do like his song…which is now stuck in my head.
Their intentions are all very good
When they tell me it’s time to hush
But I’m tired of being told
That my voice is just a bit too much
Kate, keep it quiet
Kate, you are too loud
Kate, keep your voice down
Now, it’s time to shh!
I wish I came with a volume button
For moments as I’ve described
To keep everyone happy
At the correct decibel levels prescribed
Kate, keep it quiet
Kate, you are too loud
Kate, keep your voice down
Now, it’s time to shh!
I’m not sure why I’m like this
Always noisier than the rest
But at times I wish I could change
And be quiet as everyone requests
I have dry eyes. In the past, every eye doctor I have ever seen has told me to deal with it. But I finally found one who is helping me. He has the same problem, so he understands my pain and is on a crusade to help others like him.
In order to fix the problem, he temporarily plugged my tear ducts. In January, he is going to cauterize them as a permanent solution. It’s great. The moisture stays in my eyes, so they don’t get bloodshot. I can wear my contacts comfortably. But there is one downside. Since my tears don’t go down my tear ducts, I cry more frequently.
Just like yesterday. I cried on my way to Thanksgiving lunch. I love my family, but I didn’t want to go. If you know me, you probably think that I love the holiday season. But you would be wrong. I used to be that girl but not anymore.
The song says “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” I beg to differ. This time of year isn’t easy for me. It brings back some really bad memories that color the whole season.
Some people in my office are so excited about baking and decorating and everything that is jolly and bright. I’m happy for them and wish I could feel the same way, but I don’t.
I’m not like my new eye doctor who has a solution to the problem. I just know that I’m not the only one with the problem. I know there are other people who have a hard time during the holidays. We have different reasons, but the outcome is still the same.
So what do we do about it?
Maybe for me, part of the solution is not getting so overwhelmed by the events on my schedule, but by doing more for others. Standing outside and looking up at the stars, even if my nose gets a little cold. Taking the long way home so I can see the lights on First Presbyterian’s outside Christmas tree. The one that always makes me smile.
None of these are permanent fixes. But maybe the goal should be to do something to get through each day, and before you know it, the whole season will be over.
I don’t want to be a Scrooge. I want to be joyful and happy. I want to be a light to others. If I can find some little joy in every day from now until January 1, perhaps it will blossom into something greater. And somewhere down the road, possibly I might find again “the most wonderful time of the year.”
If you struggle with this time of year, what are your ideas of how to get through each day?
