An Addict
Last weekend, I heard this idea about categorizing the events of a week into a “Love it/Loathe it” list to help determine your strengths. The concept is that our strengths are not the things that we do well, but rather things that we love to do. Because in loving them, they energizes us. Weaknesses are those things that steal all the joy and happiness out of us while doing them. It is very possible to be good at something but hate doing it. I thought making a list was worth a try.
Today has not been my best day. Pretty much everything from this day has been added to my “Loathe it” list. This day reminded me that I am an addict and will be for the rest of my life. Food is my drug of choice. Always has been since I was little. As each frustration popped up today, I craved something to put in my mouth. A cookie. Potato chips. Diet Mountain Dew. Cake. Crackers. Anything that might make me feel better. My head knows that something to eat will not make me feel better. It will actually make things worse in the long run. But my heart knows that each bite further anesthetizes me from life.
I have read every diet book or program there is. Read it. Tried it. In some cases, tried again. And ultimately failed.
Here I am with my younger sister, Bess, in the Spring of 2004. I’m the one in the stripes.
Uh, yeah…the black and white stripes.
In the Fall of 2004, I finally got help. I had gastric bypass, and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I’m still paying for it but would do it again and again if I had too.
This is me earlier this year. It looks like I have overcome all my food related issues.
But the thing is, I haven’t. While surgery was a great thing for me, it is still only a tool. The staples inside of me don’t allow me to indulge my cravings like I used too. It is still a battle. Some days, I win. Some days, I don’t. I’m ahead of where I was 5 years ago. I’m behind of where I was 6 months ago.
Today was a two Diet Mountain Dew day. But aside from that, food didn’t beat me. I don’t know how tomorrow will go, but I’m going to keep on fighting until the end.
You are the most amazing inspiration! Thank you for this totally honest, vulnerable post. I had totally forgotten the pics of the “old Kate”…but I have to just tell you that, fat or thin, you have been and are a complete blessing to everybody who knows you. (Of course I know that thin feels better! And I fully relate to all you say.) Guess we just need to keep praying for each other! And I, for one, love that quirky redhead!
You are beautiful in both pictures. I agree with you 100%. Gastric bypass helped me on the outside, but not on the inside. Now, years later, and after having a baby, I’ve gained 60lbs and I feel like I’ve been defeated once again. Food is my addiction. I’m happy…I eat…I’m sad…I eat…I’m bored…I eat. It’s not like an alcoholic that can go through a 12-step program and never touch alcohol again. We have to have food to survive. I’d do the surgery again because I’ll never be 350lbs again, but I wish there was a “surgery” for my addictive mind!
Love ya girl!
Bravo Kate!
I think your beautiful before and after! But that second photo, your smile screams satisfaction…and you should totally be satisfied with who you are…..bravo.
You are gorgeous! Your strength and generous heart shines through, and that is true beauty. PS Wish I had the guts to do the short hair, I adore it on you. Stay positive.